Rivers Know This

I'd like to dedicate this post to all of the fantastic people I have met thus far in Ubon. Sometimes, I forget that I'm in Thailand because I get wrapped up in being homesick or missing something or someone from back home. This was especially true last week when I was very sick and had to get tested for malaria (which I don't have, friends). By the third day of lying in my bed in my tiny one-room apartment, I was going a little stir crazy. It just so happens that on this third day, I ruined my beautiful bag from home and my TOMS, as well as my cell phone. To put it simply, it was a crappy day. I called home when I knew the parentals would be awake, and proceeded to completely lose in on the phone. 

However, I met several farang over the weekend (Australians, British, etc) and one of them said something to me that struck a chord. He mentioned one time when he was extremely sick with what sounded like a bout of bad food poisoning. He had been lying on the bathroom floor all night and hadn't slept a wink, and started sobbing about how much he missed home and how badly he wanted to leave. Almost as soon as that thought crossed his mind, he realized he wasn't really homesick. He was extremely ill and in that moment of weakness, his brain caught an opportunity to latch on to this weakness. I think this is what happened to me last Wednesday-I felt absolutely miserable, I was exhausted, and an object from home that I purchased with my mom was totally wrecked. My brain reacted to all of these factors at once, and the final result was a near hysterical sobbing attack. However, I don't really want to go home right now and I am actually really starting to love it here.

I also started reading a book called "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg. Basically, it tells the tale of several individuals and large corporations who, rather than overhauling entire systems or routines, simply took on one task which in itself did the overhauling. In the most primitive part of our brain, the basal ganglia, we store our memories of basic tasks like walking and breathing. Other memories and routines are stored in the outer layers of our brain (like an onion, or a parfait...Shrek anyone?). For example, every morning I wake up, take a shower, get dressed, eat, brush my teeth, do my make-up and put my right shoe on first. But what would happen if I simply started putting my left shoe on first? Or if I ate first then showered? Believe it or not, it could change the course of your day, week, month, and perhaps life. I came to Thailand in large part because I needed to break a habit, to switch up my routine, and I am not going to let being homesick or sick-sick take that belief away from me. 

You may be wondering now about the title of this post, "Rivers Know This." Well, it's taken from a quote by A.A. Milne (author of Winnie the Pooh) which in it's entirety goes "River know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there someday." Too often we wish that the day would just end or that this year would just hurry up and be over. However, we will never get that crappy day or that slow-moving year back, just as we can never catch up on lost sleep. Whether an experience is good, bad, funny, sad, traumatic, or what-have-you, it is an experience and that is what has become so underrated. You've all heard this before, that our experiences shape us and make us who we are today. I'm not going to beat a dead horse, but it is true. Yeah, I felt HORRIBLE last week. There was a moment or two in my feverish, hacking-ridden state that I wanted to hop the next plane to Bangkok and then home. Now that I am better, I appreciate being sick because it taught me several more things about myself:

1. It's pretty cool that I am a female who moved to a foreign country 10,000 miles from home by herself. 
2. A year is going to absolutely fly by, and I cannot waste a single minute of it. 
3. I never want to be sick with the plague in a subtropical country ever again, EVER in my life. 
4. I CAN do this, and I WILL do this. 
5. Life is journey, not a destination. The more we will our time to quicken, the more we waste our precious time here on Earth. 

So thank you to my kindergartners or to the small bacterium I probably caught in Laos. Without you and your germs, I probably would have never fully learned these lessons. This past weekend was incredibly fun and relaxing because I opened up to the idea of actually liking it here and having that be okay. I met lots of new Thai and farang (foreign) friends, and I am happy. I haven't had many adventures this past week or so, so no new pictures to post. But I hope those of you back home can take the message out of this and somehow relate it to your own life. 

Next time you are standing on a bridge over a river, think about how far that water has travelled and how far it will go. Whether the water is moving rapidly or meandering along, a river is still in no hurry to get to it's final destination because it really has none. It may end up in a lake or the ocean, it may evaporate, maybe it will dry up. What will happen in the future is something the river could never know without first embarking on its journey through hills and mountains, forests and fields, cities and villages, and so on. In this way, we too need to realize that our greatest potential lies not in our final destination, but in the experiences, lessons, people, and places that we find and lose along the way. We are being steadily pushed through life without a remote control, so think about the future, but don't plan it too strictly; learn from the past, but don't let it haunt you. Simply go with the flow and your life will unfold as it is meant to be. And check out "Power of Habit," because it's really good and it might change your life a bit too.

Also, try putting your foot in a different shoe this morning. Who knows what could come of it.

Power of Habit

Mai Bpen Rai!

Compilation of photos put together by my co-teacher in KG 1.

Well I've now been here almost a whole month, and I figured I should actually talk a little bit about how school's going, considering that that's the main reason why I'm here. For those of you who don't know, I am teaching three levels of kindergarten in the English Bilingual Program at Assumption College in Ubon Ratchathani. The KG 1/1's are about three and a half years old, the KG 2/1's are about   four to five years old, and the KG 3/1's are usually about five. In my time at UVM, I never worked with kindergartners, so this is a very different experience and age group than any I have worked with. There are between 30-35 kids in each class, and they are all at varying levels of social development and academic understanding. Most of the students are also in the EBP program because their parents want them to learn English, but they do not really know much. There are a handful of kids who are half-Thai and half-British, American, or Australian and they can be good with helping out. However, it can be difficult communicating with students who, native English speaker or not, would have a hard time in the classroom because they are so little.

The first week was definitely a struggle, mostly because there really isn't any sort of built-in system for, well, much of anything here especially in the schools. Everything-supplies, lesson plans, activities-is up to the teacher and everyone basically plans alone. This can be kind of cool because it gives you a bit of autonomy over the classroom environment, but it was definitely frustrating and a lot to get used to. In the States, we're really used to people holding our hand through everything (that's not true for everyone, but coming to a country where you're forced to be really independent makes you realize how much of everything we really do have in the States). Here, while every single person is always smiling and they all try to be helpful, everything is still up to you.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is Mammote. 

There is never a problem or a worry here either-again something which is good many times, but can be maddening when you actually want something to get done. They have a saying, "Mai bpen rai" which basically means "no worries." It's awesome that nothing ever seems to be a major problem here, but in some ways, I think that is why the education system is still very much in the past here-no progress is made because there is never anything to overcome. But to keep it simple, my experience has been pretty awesome so far.

Bannet (pronounce Bonnet) and Andrew (KG 2).

The kids are so excited to see you everyday-it's kind of nice to have at least 90 people absolutely psyched to see you for no reason other than that you're their teacher. Some of their names are kind of ridiculous (i.e. Nurse, Fern, Chogun, Garfield, Ice, Island, Focus, and Chompu to name a few), but that makes them easier to remember (?).

We're supposed to use these St. Gabriel's Foundation "workbooks" which are a little overly simplistic and can be a waste of time if you ask me...or any of the teachers. But because they are so easy, you can make up games and activities to play with the kids because the lessons are so vague that they give you. So far, in Math the KG 1's have learned how to count to ten and have done some addition; the KG 2's have done addition and matching numbers to their number names; and the KG 3's have done word problems in addition and they can count to about 50. Science is all about body parts and trees and animals, while English is basically stuffing their brains with as much vocabulary as you can think of. The interesting thing is that the teacher before me checked things off in the workbooks that the students "understood" or "completed," but when I give them tasks on these things that should be automatic to them, they really don't understand. I'm basically starting over from the beginning with some of the kids because I think it's wrong to just push kids through the system even though that happens here a lot. For example, when doing the ABC's with the KG 1's, I sometimes put the cards out of order to see if they actually know the letter rather than having memorized the order. About two-thirds of the time they do not say the correct letter for a while because they've simply memorized the sounds of the letters, not what they actually look like or represent.

Day after said wedding: Family Day at school.

Okay, I'm being too analytical. The co-teachers are all awesome and they all do their VERY best to convey the information to the kids in Thai. It's hilarious sometimes when the kids start doing an activity the exact opposite way that I intended because the language is just so different, but you learn to roll with things literally all of the time here.

I've never considered myself to be a super laid-back person; I can be, but I like getting things done and being organized and I don't always "go with the flow." However, living in Thailand has taught me that it's better to be happy then to be right (thank you Eliza Arsenault). I am really argumentative and stubborn, two qualities which have served me both negatively and positively, but are two qualities which really have no place here. Arguing is useless because there are "no worries" for literally every problem or argument, and being stubborn is equally useless since there is nothing that stubbornness gets you here. I am grateful for that aspect of Thai culture because it's taught me to keep my mouth shut a lot more than I used to, and to just appreciate all of the small things that people do for you rather than focusing on the one bad thing and letting it ruin your day.

Getting my nails did at Family Day.

I'll definitely be writing more about school and the kids in the future, so don't you kids worry. I threw in some random photos at the bottom for your viewing pleasure. Mai bpen rai!!!

UVM Represent! At Juice's drinkin' some juices.

I went to a Thai wedding...and had a VERY good night.

P.S. I don't know why, but the captions aren't showing up when I post this...If you want to know, just ask!

Short and Sweet

Well, I'm going to keep this post nice and short like the title because it may not be the most upbeat for everyone. Also, I will be posting more positive things on my trip to Laos but I digress. I went to Laos with a group of people yesterday to get my non-B immigrant visa to be in Thailand legally. It was also the night of a large festival honoring the creature that apparently lives in the Mekong River-a night of lots of drinking, eating, and releasing lanterns into the sky and handmade boats of flowers, palm leaves, and incense.

The festivities went on well into the night and things were crazy, but certainly not out of control. However, I was given a rude awakening to how short and sweet life truly is at about 1:40 AM outside of my hotel. After being asleep for only about an hour, I heard a very loud "BOOM" and a moment of utter silence amid all of the blasting music and partying. I thought it was fireworks, so I did not think much of it. I went to look out my window, however, after I heard people running and yelling loudly. I looked down from my second floor window onto the street to a pretty horrific scene. There was blood on the pavement and a motorbike broken into pieces all over the street. People were talking in hushed tones and staring at the motorbike, but not really doing anything. I learned this morning that a teenager had been drinking, a lot, hopped on his motorbike, and was driving way too fast through an intersection. He collided head-on with a moving van and died instantly.

I'm not trying to ruin anyone's day or anything like that. I just want to express how beautiful life is, but also how quickly it can be changed or extinguished-truly in an instant. We all need to stop and think about our actions. Life is about having fun, about living to the fullest, and while everyone wants to live each day as though it were their last, I do not think that most of us can honestly say we want today to be the last one we have. Now, I cannot push my feelings onto you or make you feel what I felt last night, but I can tell you that we all need to slow down from time-to-time, stop and smell the roses-whatever floats your boat-because you really have no clue if today is your last. Tell your loved ones you love them, apologize when you are wrong, do not waste your heart on someone who is not giving you theirs. If you feel like all of a sudden you need to give grandma a call, do it. Do not, for one second, take for granted the gift of life that has been given to you and the responsibility for self and others which that entails.

I have realized that different societies and cultures have different conceptions of what "death" means. In the U.S., we live in a death-denying culture where we have essentially been taught as a society to act as though death is not imminent, that even if we are on the brink, some miraculous doctor will come along and save us. In Thailand, and more so in Laos, death in such a violent manner is an almost everyday occurrence. Motorcycle and car accidents happen so frequently, that people take a look, and literally walk away as though nothing happened or nothing could be done. We need to accept the realities of life, not deny or ignore them.

The First Couple Weeks: Part One

So, in my one day of having a blog, I've noticed a pattern that freaks me out a little. It sounds silly, but so many people write about how ready they are/were to live abroad or to get away from the States. Honestly, I didn't feel this way at all before I came to Thailand. Well, I shouldn't say at all, that's kind of dramatic but my feelings were like an East Coast barometer during Hurricane Sandy (which by the way is slated to be the storm of the century if you haven't heard from at least forty people on Facebook)-one day I would be up (super excited and itching to get there), and one day I would be down (totally dreading the 24 hour travel time, being on an airplane, leaving home, leaving family, leaving friends, not sleeping in my waterbed, not skiing, etc, etc, etc). I think because I did not know what to expect at all, the "ups" were more vague in nature while the downs were very clear because I just kept thinking about all I would be missing...Wait a minute, that doesn't really make sense, does it? I was moving to Thailand-THAILAND. Home will always be there (theoretically), and I guess Thailand will be too technically, but I am never going to be 22-23 years old again, the experience would never be the same if, say, I went post-retirement. It was time to break out of my shell a bit and do something that basically scared the crap out of my parents and myself, something that so many people want to do or wished they could do, but "never could." I don't want to be 45 years old with three kids running around me and dinner on the stove, and be saying to myself "Why didn't you go? What were you so afraid of?" I don't want to be an old person with regrets, so I decided to act on it.

Wat Ban Na Muang temple

Once at the security gate at JFK, with my mom and dad standing there next to my gigantic bags (Molly Weidman, I know you feel me on the overpacking situation), reality set in, a.k.a.: "Holy s***, I'm going to Thailand for a year" (sorry mom; also, that was terrible grammar). The security guards were laughing at me, in good nature, because I was on the verge of hysterically losing it in the middle of a security check at Kennedy, and because my parents were still standing there, waving and not making things any better. I could compare it to kindergarten on the first day, when there are those kids who are snotting and crying and blabbering all over themselves because they aren't going to see their mom for six hours, for me, those "six hours" are equivalent to one full year. Funny how time becomes relative, huh? Anyway, I made it to the Emirates gate and sat myself down and took a deep breath. Why was I crying? Maybe because I was sad about leaving my mom and dad, because I was going to miss the snow, because I was going to miss all of the comforts of home. HAH-there it is! I realized I was not going to Thailand because I knew it would be comfortable and familiar. I was doing it to make a difference, to gain experience as a teacher, to continue building the person who I want to be. That's about the point when I realized that I was going to be scared and I was going to be homesick, but that those feelings would be overruled by the new experiences I would add to my belt and the teaching skills I can throw in my bag of tricks and of all the amazing people who I would be honored to meet and know. 

Eve

Time for some Thai talk. I've now been in Ubon Ratchathani for three weeks, and I'll give you a rundown of the things I have done and experienced. First of all, I live in a mansion. No, not an actual mansion, that's just what they call apartment buildings here. It's about a five minute walk from Assumption College where I'm teaching three levels of kindergarten in the English Bilingual Program with about 30 kids per class (yes, that's approximately 90 kids a day, math, science, and English). My room isn't anything to write home about, but it's mine and I'm paying for it with my own money now, so that's pretty cool. The maintenance guy have started a friendship, though I'm not really sure how since he speaks zero English and I speak about four Thai phrases. There are now five of us Yanks living here, me and two couples who are awesome. There's also an older guy named Martin from Australia who has lived in Thailand for at least ten years. There is a laundromat about ten feet away, a handful of hole-in-the wall, outdoor restaurants, and Tesco Lotus which was my mecca for the first couple of weeks. It's essentially a deadly combination of Walmart and Target, Asian-style. Since I didn't know where else to go, I wandered Tesco about 2-3 times a day (which I later found out is completely normal). 

I also made it a point to locate a yoga studio the first week I was here. I found this awesome place called Diva Yoga Studio run by a woman named Nook and her family. I'll drop the link at the bottom of this post so you can check it out. I go three times a week and I've met some really awesome people, one of whom's wedding I am going to on Friday...crazy! 

Diva Yoga Studio

Wat Pah Nanachat (International Forest Temple)
"If you have time to breath, you have time to meditate." Ajahn Chah

I have to make a major note of the kindness and generosity of Thai people. From the moment I arrived, I was welcomed with open arms by my boss/host mom Busaba who has taught me how to cook, speak some Thai, fed me, entertained me, and more than once has suggested that I'm marrying her son. Pure (pronounced Pee-oh) and Eve are two of the people I have met at Diva Studio. They've showed me the awesome downtown that Ubon has once you get away from the older part (where I live) and I've never once had to walk or beg for a ride from the studio. People are so happy and willing to show you around, introduce you to their families, pay for your meal, or just hang out here...all the time. The people of the Isaan province love a good time, a cold Leo or Chang beer, and a jam session of "Zombie" by The Cranberries or "Hotel California." Everything here is just slower paced and more laid-back than in the States because people just seem genuinely happy where they are in life, even if they're selling chicken on the side of the road for five baht and returning home to a shack. It really is amazing. 

I'll post some pictures for now for you guys to check out. This is just part one of my first couple of weeks because there's just so much to post! I'm going to Laos tomorrow to get my non-immigrant B visa and I'll be there until Thursday, but I'll be sure to post this weekend!

Learning how to make spring rolls, massaman curry, and phad Thai at Busaba's house!

Emma: 101

So, I know this has been a long time coming, but I have finally decided to hop on the ‘ole blog train. I already have a Facebook with about 350 pictures of my Thailand adventures, but I want to share my story with family and friends-both old and new. I know some people haven’t quite gotten the technological hang of the twenty-first century yet, so I dedicate this to all you antiques out there (haha…). Anyhoo, I’ll give you a little insight to who I am as a person so you can hopefully understand my life in Thailand.

I grew up in Western Massachusetts, known lovingly by its residents as “the 413.” Summers are humid as hell and winters can be unforgiving, all the while the rest of the state doesn't understand us, but it's home and it's where I'm from. Many a summer of mine was spent up at Lake Sunapee, NH and since I apparently still wasn’t ready to call it quits on New England, I went to the University of Vermont in 2008. Painting, drawing, and being generally creative (therefore, awesome) has always been a huge part of my life, and I feel very lucky that I was able to continue the tradition as I studied Elementary Education at UVM. 

I have always felt like I am in a constant state of learning about myself, and I don’t think this will ever really stop. In high school, I learned (though it took a few years) that one can really only rely on themselves, and that I have a truly incredible and supportive family. In Vermont, I learned to love New England’s many seasons for all they are worth, I learned how to be a teacher, a better friend, a better daughter and sister (I hope…) and I learned a huge amount of independence. 

Now I have to take a minute here to give a shout out to my hilarious, loyal, and generally awesome mother and my devoted, kind, and extremely generous (I almost wrote jealous...what?) dad. Everyone says this about their parents, whether or not they mean it isn’t always clear, but I feel as though I was totally gifted the two best parents on Earth. I have never met two people who love each other and my brother and I more than my parents do. Sometimes I feel that some parents I know have simply become roommates or comfortable in their unchanged ways, but my parents are best friends and having their love as an example is something I will never forget. Okay, I’ll digress for a moment to say I have the tendency to write and/or say everything I feel, so I’m sorry for what may be a rambling, incoherent speech. Back to the parents...my mom definitely taught me that self-reliance as a female, and “never letting them see you cry” can go a long way. I also learned that I am a glass box of emotion who can go to crying over a beautiful leaf to hysterically laughing in about 6.98 seconds, so the not crying thing never really worked out (but I still try and take heed mother!) My dad taught me how to work hard to get where you want in life, and also what a man should be. Sorry fellas, he set the bar pretty high so you have a lot to live up to! Their support through my best and worst times is what pushed me through to going to college and finishing strong.

Onto Vermont. Vermont is the sort of place that has an uncanny ability to test your strength as a person, mentally and physically. Walking, no crawling, up Pearl Street to get to your 8:30 AM class in the middle of February all the while being pelted in the eye by sleet, having snow fall down your coat and pants, and being blown into snow drifts by the wind tunnel that is Burlington, VT may not be everyone’s cup of tea. But it was certainly mine because at the end of the day, there was always a crazy friend to laugh at your professor with while he yelled at the class for using the word “minority,” or there was always the rush you feel sending it down a mountainside with the Green Mountain vista spread out before you. There’s a saying that goes something like this: for every hill you climb up, there’s always a way down. Yes, Pearl Street may be kicking your ass right now for no good reason, but think about sailing down Heaven’s Gate later that day! Damn, I am good at rambling. Basically the point I wanted to get out is that Vermont taught me true independence in every sense of the word. Thank you 802.

A final thing I have to say is yoga saved me from myself. I’m not trying to get all existential on you, but trust me, it did. After my car accident a couple of years ago, things seemed to not really make sense anymore and my anxiety level skyrocketed for a while. There’s something about surviving a roll-over car accident that crushed your Jeep and essentially walking away unscathed when the odds seemed to be against that. The trauma of what happened just never left me-it didn’t matter how many times I talked to my parents or a therapist or a friend about it-nothing seemed to help. Until yoga. I won’t lie, I could be kind of crazy prior to yoga (I won’t say the crazies don’t come out every so often), but once I started going to Laughing River several times a week if not every day, I found I could control my anxiety and the feelings that sometimes felt paralyzing. I found that the answer to almost everything can be found in a deep breath; it may not be the answer you wanted, but it’s the answer that’s right at that moment. I also found I could become a generally kinder and more laid-back person than I ever was because I had actually started to find me. 

Between my parents, Vermont, and yoga, I’d say I have finally started getting the grip on life that I had been seeking for so long. Sometimes we forget that no matter how much we panic or worry, tomorrow won’t be coming any faster, and we end up dwelling on the past or relying on the future to save us. And yes, I know saying “Oh, just live in the moment man, don’t stress” sounds hippyish and unrealistic to some, it is all you can do. Unless you’re planning on pulling some Back to the Future shenanigans, you ain’t gettin’ nowhere fast by worrying about what you can’t do now. Yes, you should still at least think about the future so you know what to expect, and yes, you should use your history to guide you, you should NOT use either to define you. 

I'll stop here so I can think about what to write about Thailand...later gators.