Emma: 101

So, I know this has been a long time coming, but I have finally decided to hop on the ‘ole blog train. I already have a Facebook with about 350 pictures of my Thailand adventures, but I want to share my story with family and friends-both old and new. I know some people haven’t quite gotten the technological hang of the twenty-first century yet, so I dedicate this to all you antiques out there (haha…). Anyhoo, I’ll give you a little insight to who I am as a person so you can hopefully understand my life in Thailand.

I grew up in Western Massachusetts, known lovingly by its residents as “the 413.” Summers are humid as hell and winters can be unforgiving, all the while the rest of the state doesn't understand us, but it's home and it's where I'm from. Many a summer of mine was spent up at Lake Sunapee, NH and since I apparently still wasn’t ready to call it quits on New England, I went to the University of Vermont in 2008. Painting, drawing, and being generally creative (therefore, awesome) has always been a huge part of my life, and I feel very lucky that I was able to continue the tradition as I studied Elementary Education at UVM. 

I have always felt like I am in a constant state of learning about myself, and I don’t think this will ever really stop. In high school, I learned (though it took a few years) that one can really only rely on themselves, and that I have a truly incredible and supportive family. In Vermont, I learned to love New England’s many seasons for all they are worth, I learned how to be a teacher, a better friend, a better daughter and sister (I hope…) and I learned a huge amount of independence. 

Now I have to take a minute here to give a shout out to my hilarious, loyal, and generally awesome mother and my devoted, kind, and extremely generous (I almost wrote jealous...what?) dad. Everyone says this about their parents, whether or not they mean it isn’t always clear, but I feel as though I was totally gifted the two best parents on Earth. I have never met two people who love each other and my brother and I more than my parents do. Sometimes I feel that some parents I know have simply become roommates or comfortable in their unchanged ways, but my parents are best friends and having their love as an example is something I will never forget. Okay, I’ll digress for a moment to say I have the tendency to write and/or say everything I feel, so I’m sorry for what may be a rambling, incoherent speech. Back to the parents...my mom definitely taught me that self-reliance as a female, and “never letting them see you cry” can go a long way. I also learned that I am a glass box of emotion who can go to crying over a beautiful leaf to hysterically laughing in about 6.98 seconds, so the not crying thing never really worked out (but I still try and take heed mother!) My dad taught me how to work hard to get where you want in life, and also what a man should be. Sorry fellas, he set the bar pretty high so you have a lot to live up to! Their support through my best and worst times is what pushed me through to going to college and finishing strong.

Onto Vermont. Vermont is the sort of place that has an uncanny ability to test your strength as a person, mentally and physically. Walking, no crawling, up Pearl Street to get to your 8:30 AM class in the middle of February all the while being pelted in the eye by sleet, having snow fall down your coat and pants, and being blown into snow drifts by the wind tunnel that is Burlington, VT may not be everyone’s cup of tea. But it was certainly mine because at the end of the day, there was always a crazy friend to laugh at your professor with while he yelled at the class for using the word “minority,” or there was always the rush you feel sending it down a mountainside with the Green Mountain vista spread out before you. There’s a saying that goes something like this: for every hill you climb up, there’s always a way down. Yes, Pearl Street may be kicking your ass right now for no good reason, but think about sailing down Heaven’s Gate later that day! Damn, I am good at rambling. Basically the point I wanted to get out is that Vermont taught me true independence in every sense of the word. Thank you 802.

A final thing I have to say is yoga saved me from myself. I’m not trying to get all existential on you, but trust me, it did. After my car accident a couple of years ago, things seemed to not really make sense anymore and my anxiety level skyrocketed for a while. There’s something about surviving a roll-over car accident that crushed your Jeep and essentially walking away unscathed when the odds seemed to be against that. The trauma of what happened just never left me-it didn’t matter how many times I talked to my parents or a therapist or a friend about it-nothing seemed to help. Until yoga. I won’t lie, I could be kind of crazy prior to yoga (I won’t say the crazies don’t come out every so often), but once I started going to Laughing River several times a week if not every day, I found I could control my anxiety and the feelings that sometimes felt paralyzing. I found that the answer to almost everything can be found in a deep breath; it may not be the answer you wanted, but it’s the answer that’s right at that moment. I also found I could become a generally kinder and more laid-back person than I ever was because I had actually started to find me. 

Between my parents, Vermont, and yoga, I’d say I have finally started getting the grip on life that I had been seeking for so long. Sometimes we forget that no matter how much we panic or worry, tomorrow won’t be coming any faster, and we end up dwelling on the past or relying on the future to save us. And yes, I know saying “Oh, just live in the moment man, don’t stress” sounds hippyish and unrealistic to some, it is all you can do. Unless you’re planning on pulling some Back to the Future shenanigans, you ain’t gettin’ nowhere fast by worrying about what you can’t do now. Yes, you should still at least think about the future so you know what to expect, and yes, you should use your history to guide you, you should NOT use either to define you. 

I'll stop here so I can think about what to write about Thailand...later gators.